Kitty Job description

Is this close enough, Mom?

1. Wake up Mom by swatting her feet under the blankets or sitting on her head and purring
2. Scatter litter all over the bathroom floor
3. Watch Mom vacuum said litter
4. Sleep for 22 hours a day
5. Eat
6. Whine for more food even though there's food in the bowl already
7. Produce more feces and urine than Mom thought possible from a 9 lb. cat
8. Fight with sibling
9. Chase own tail in bathtub, making lots of noise, making Mom think you're killing your sibling.
10. Knock stuff around, under, over, etc.
    
11. Dip kibble, mouse toys, catnip sock, and own paws in water bowl
12. Guard front door when evil vacuum is working in the hallway
13. Make diabolical plans to get into forbidden closet that contains feather toy
14. Lick sibling's butt
15. Lick own butt
16. Sit in cardboard boxes even if Mom hasn't finished emptying them
17. Sleep on Mom's clothes even though there cat beds and blankets all over the place
18. Knock Bitter Apple into the garbage can because it sucks
    
19. Make "burrr?" noises for no reason whatsoever
20. Pretend to love Mom more than Dad
    

Rainy days and Mondays

Arrives fresh daily

Why can't I be like my cats and sleep for 21 hours of the day? Instead, I was in Contracts at 9 a.m. with about 5 1/2 hours of sleep. After dragging my waterlogged body back home (torrential rain on the Monday after spring break - is there anything more depressing?), I realized Eli needed his butt wiped as he had a serious case of stinkbutt.

Mid-wipe, the phone rang and I jumped for it.

I got a job offer for the summer! I wasn't expecting their decision for at least 2 weeks, and it's only been 6 days! The interview had gone well, but I don't like to jump to conclusions. I start work in June, so I get a little vacation.

I think it's the perfect job for me, considering my interests, and hopefully the euphoria will carry me through the rest of the week (doubtful).

Get out!

I had another nightmare.

I dreamed I had just left my apartment to go to school, but turned around because I'd forgotten my PDA. When I stepped into the apartment, I saw Spiff, one of my über-competitive classmates at my desk with my Palm, and he was looking through my data, trying to make sure I didn't know something he didn't know.

I demanded to know what he was doing, and Spiff said that he had to know how I was getting interviews because he had better grades than me. If I could get those interviews, he should be able to interview there as well because he was sooooo much smarter.

After that, the rest of the nightmare was a strange situation where I proctored a spelling test and had to read words for the test. Later, I had to read a book out loud, where the test takers had to listen and guess which of the words was actually being tested.

Jeez, what the heck did I eat that made me dream like that?

Weekday update

Forget what I said about spring having sprung. It's raining/slushing right now and I think it'll be doing so for the rest of break.

A few days ago, Josh and I went to our go-to restaurant for a late dinner. When our server came to ask us about the drinks, Josh asked for a Long Island Iced Tea, and I wanted water. When I said water, I saw the waiter's expression change. He probably thought we were a couple of kids who came to a restaurant that was too fancy for them, jumping to the conclusion that we were uncultured and unsophisticated, judging by Josh's Nike shirt and NY Giants knit hat.

When he brought the drinks, Josh's glass held a regular iced tea. I asked, "Isn't that a regular iced tea?" The server said yes. I said, "He ordered a Long Island Iced Tea." The server said, "We don't make those here." At that point, I was annoyed because I knew they did make that drink since Josh has ordered it before. The server had misheard Josh and didn't want to admit his mistake, so he figured we were dumb and would accept his explanation.

"Actually, they do make Long Island Iced Teas here. We've ordered it several times before," we informed him. The server left to check with the bartender. He brought the correct drink back with him. He was making his escape after plunking the glass down when I asked him what soup was available for the day and only when I asked did he tell me the soup and the fact that the restaurant had run out of a number of dishes. Normally, when we have a good server, we're told right away what the soup is and any outages.

After the tip we left him, I doubt that server likes us any more than he did when we first sat down.

Vacation: Day 2

Urgh... too tired to put my tongue back in my mouth.

Who needs to buy a plane ticket for spring break elsewhere when spring has sprung in NYC?

I haven't been seeing much of New York City since I started law school, so I'm taking advantage of spring break and spending a lot of time walking around.

Today I met P and his dog, Kelly, in Greenwich Village after a nightmarish trip from downtown. They're doing all kinds of subway station renovations by me and I can never tell when a train is unavailable.

We had lunch at Ony. I had fresh ramen for the first time. I had the Hakata Ramen. Don't laugh at me for having ramen at a restaurant because it is definitely not your $0.25 grocery store ramen. It turns out they have Ony locations in Japan as well, so I figured this must be the real thing. P said he used to eat these noodles all the time when he lived in Japan because they're tasty and affordable.

After that, we went to Le Petit Puppy on Christopher St. to look at the New York puppies for sale. P almost got a third dog, but I told him getting another puppy just a few months after the second puppy would be like popping out 3 babies within 10 months of each other. The $2500 price tag probably affected my opinion as well (and I thought puppies were expensive in NJ).

We bought some dessert at Li-Lac Chocolates. I had a piece of chocolate-coconut fudge. I had passed it while walking yesterday and it turns out P had been looking for Li-lac since it changed locations recently.

We walked uptown, stopping at a flea market and my bakery supply shop along the way. We parted ways at Union Square. I walked through the farmer's market, where I ordered a windowsill herb garden containing thyme, basil, oregano, and parsley. I hope the cats don't knock it down. I was about to head back home when I noticed that Whole Foods had finally opened its Union Square location, so I took a walk around to check it out. I tasted the best parmigiano reggiano at a sampling station. I was given a piece dipped with a tiny bit of balsamic vinegar and I was in heaven. Needless to say, a wedge of that cheese wound up in my basket.

Tonight, I'll be baking with a new recipe: raspberry-cream cheese breakfast buns.

Temporary freedom

Temple of Dendur

Today was my first day of spring break. Josh went home for a few days, so I decided to do something Josh would be less likely to participate in.

I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.... at 10:00 A.M. I've never gone to a museum by myself. When you're visiting a museum in a group, you usually can't decide to go off on a whim and look at a particular exhibit, unless you're the teacher and you're taking students on a class trip (ah, the good ol' days). It was nice to walk around the surprisingly uncrowded museum and not have to say anything about the exhibits. I think the only thing I said inside the museum was "thank you" to a man who held a door open for me.

After a few hours of culture, I went down to the Village, where I walked from the east side to the west side because I wanted some cupcakes from Magnolia. My luck held out for again, as there was no line to get into the bakery.

This past week didn't turn out to be the drawn-out pre-spring break week I expected. I got a great grade on my property midterm, an interview for next week, a visit to the Met (something I wanted to do for a long time), and cupcakes.

Life is good.... until school starts again.

Random thoughts, anyone?

We were discussing adverse possession in Property today. The professor turned away from the whiteboard and saw a student in the front row with his hand raised.

"You said our midterm grades would be out later this week. Are they going to be available today?" asked Mr. Spiff.

"Is that an adverse possession question?" my professor asked Spiff.

Are we there yet?

This week prior to spring break is agony. I don't want to be in school right now. The only thing I've got going for me this week is my team appellate brief. My teammate and I have to come up with a pseudonym for the both of us (only one name because we can't reveal the number of people on the team).

I'll contribute "Fig Newton." I don't know, but "Newton" sounds so funny.

All I have to do is make it through Thursday and I'll be home free... to do my contracts practice midterm over break.

Curse you, Doobs.

I don't remember eating any Eli for breakfast!

::grunt!::

The facial expressions say it all.

Eli's face reminds me of that moment in Ace Ventura 2 where Ace is being birthed by the rhinoceros.

Morty is making his "I'm pooping" face.

Don't jump outta no windows

Ah, sage advice from an octogenarian.

My school employs a team of senior citizens to proctor exams. My section has the same 4-5 proctors for all of our exams. One of these gentlemen, John, is the most dependable of proctors. I've heard him make the instructional speech several times, and he's the same every single time.

He gives us the same advice every time:
"You need a good eraser for Scantron sheets. If you don't have a good eraser, the machine might not read your answers right. You're spending $30 thousand on your tuition. Go buy a $0.25 eraser."

"$37 thousand," I mutter under my breath as my fingers grip my awesome Japanese eraser in pre-test anxiety.

Hungry much?

Since last Saturday, I've been on a culinary kick.

For Saturday, I made Prime Rib-eye Steaks with Mustard-Parmesan Crust. That night, I baked a Blueberry Coffee Cake from a Magnolia recipe for my study buddy as a pseudo-bribe/birthday gift.

On Monday, I made Chicken Milanese. It was so crispy and delicious that Josh ate all of the would-be leftovers. I was warning him repeatedly not to eat the chicken based on the fact that it was just sitting there. We once had an ugly incident with my pesto chicken.

On Wednesday, I made an Apple Cake with Cinnamon Sugar Topping (another Magnolia recipe). I accidentally used twice the amount of cinnamon-sugar I was supposed to, but my study buddy said I should keep "my" version of the apple cake that way.

Future plans? On Friday, I plan to make a key lime pie, using a hybrid recipe of Barefoot Contessa and Magnolia. That's a real birthday gift for study buddy, a human vacuum for my various baked goods. I think it's a fair trade: baked goods for time to monopolize his two dogs. For dinner, I will be making Pork Tenderloin with Roasted Apples and Onions.

Right, I should be studying for my property midterm instead of planning my menu.

Passion of the criminal law student

The other day, we were discussing the "heat of passion" defense to homicide, which is also known as "extreme emotional disturbance." Our professor said this defense applies only to homicide.

"What if the husband came home and found his wife with her lover, but instead of killing her, he beat her up instead?" asked our favorite irrelevant-question-poser. The professor thinks this student is preparing for a life of crime based on the "what can I get away with" questions he asks during every class.

The professor repeated that the defense applied only to homicide after his initial amusement over the student's question.

A word of warning

If you're considering law school, be aware of the possibility you might not be able to talk with "normal" people anymore. When I say that, I mean that I've realized it is extremely difficult to talk to people who haven't gone through an experience similar to law school.

For example, someone might tell me, "Dont' worry, the class is hard, but it'll get better." No, it doesn't. Spare me your meaningless platitudes because you have no idea what it's like. Someone might think that he/she understands by comparing, let's say their first year of engineering to my first year of law school. Yes, I know engineering is very difficult - I never said it wasn't. However, that first year of engineering as an undergraduate is, without a doubt, supplemented with copious video game playing, alcoholism, hanging out with friends, and skipping half your classes to sleep in.

When I was at the DMV making polite conversation with my neighbor-in-line, I mentioned that I was in law school. My neighbor started talking about a legal problem he was having and I offered my two cents, and he told me, "I think you're going to be a great lawyer. I can tell from the way you talk. You'll be a really aggressive lawyer." That's nice to hear, but I don't think you know what you're talking about.

All the stress and frustration of the first year of law school have transformed the little things I would normally shrug off into nudges that push me over the edge of civility. Before a non-law school person tells me that I'm being a baby and I should suck it up: Yes, I am sucking it up. Yes, I am dealing with it. I'm also not the only one who feels this way. Whether you've worked in a big job in a big corporation or thought you've had a hard time in college, you still have no idea what it's like (unless you're a medical student), so don't give me advice about how I should handle my life. Whatever you say will probably be irrelevant to the status of my life at the moment.

The first year of law school fucks you up so badly that you find you can talk about only law school or your cats. I have become crazy-law school-cat lady.

Making the phone lines safe

I was sitting at my desk, ripping my hair out, thanks to my second appellate brief, when the telephone rang:

TELEMARKETER

Doooooooora!

DORA

Um... who is this?

TELEMARKETER

I'm calling on behalf of the New York City police chief, who's asking you for your sponsorship in some important programs. These programs include after-school programs for underprivileged children, reducing gun violence, and anti-terrorism. Is it all right if I ask you for your commitment of $30 and send you your decal with payment envelope to be returned in one week?

DORA

$30 is a lot of money! Why can't I decide how much to donate?

Wait, so you're sending me a bill?

TELEMARKETER

No, it's not a bill. [Repeat TELEMARKETER's above speech] The police chief is asking for your help and this is our once-a-year call.

DORA

Actually, I got a call in August being asked to contribute to the NYPD, and the guy who called me was really rude. He said I'd get a bumper sticker, but I told him I didn't have a car or bicycle to stick that bumper sticker to, and he told me to stick it on my forehead. I didn't appreciate being talked to like that.

TELEMARKETER

Oh.... that wasn't us. This is our first time calling you.

DORA

Yes, but you're calling for the NYPD, and that other guy in August was calling for the NYPD.

TELEMARKETER

[Repeat first speech]

DORA

You know, my friend once got a call like this, and she was sent a bill.

TELEMARKETER

Oh... really? This isn't a bill. I'm not asking for you to pay over the phone. I'm just asking for your commitment and we'll send you a decal and payment envelope for you to pay within a week.

DORA

You said that I have to pay within a week. That sounds like a bill.

TELEMARKETER

It's not a bill. It's a donation. You send us a check or money order in a week.

DORA

So I'm required to send a check or money order once I get the envelope?

TELEMARKETER

Yes.

DORA

You send me an envelope with a week's deadline to pay. Isn't that a bill?

TELEMARKETER

Yesssss.... So, can I get your commitment over the phone tonight?

DORA

No. [click]

Josh informed me later that a lot of these supposed police departments who call asking for donations are scams. They'll donate about $0.25 of your $30 to the police so it's not a complete lie.

Before anyone suggests it to me - Yes, I'm on the Do Not Call List. I've been on it since I moved in here.

Dora: 2

Telemarketers: 0