Cruise Post #12: Monday morning gambler

Since the Carnival Destiny had diddly squat for activities onboard, we were left with the casino for fun. Josh became interested in playing craps when we were on Royal Caribbean, and he and MB watched the craps table for a while so that Josh could refresh his memory, and MB could learn. The table was really crowded, so I went for the widely available slot machines, where I won $10 and called it quits.

When Josh and MB finally played, MB lost $20 pretty quickly and he declared that he didn't like the game. Frankly, I was happy that MB wouldn't be playing craps because the craps table would be unbearable with him and his snide right-side-of-mouth comments in addition to the possibility of losing money.

The next couple nights, I played Josh's money. Josh says that he does better in craps when I'm there, so he stood by me and made suggestions. I served more as a restrictive feature than crazy gambling girlfriend. If he wanted to put down $12 in additional bets, I would protest sometimes (I was right more often than not because the rollers crapped out quickly).

The last night, Josh went for the craps table. There was no room because of all the gamboholics wanting to get their last fix before debarking the next day. Josh decided to squeeze in between the dealer and this behemoth of a woman I called "Aunt Jemima." I didn't play for him due to two reasons: (1) there wasn't enough room for both of us and (2) the Nocheese family was there too.

I told Josh that he shouldn't be playing craps while the Nocheeses were around because it was like having your parents watch you gamble. Since the Nocheeses were notoriously cheap, there was plenty to be said by them. Mr. and Mrs. Nocheese's comments were more of the movies-with-your-parents variety.

MR. NOCHEESE
Was that a bet?

MRS. NOCHEESE
You ween money?

MR. NOCHEESE
What just happened? Did you lose?

MRS. NOCHEESE
You lose money?

Mam's Boy was more annoying than his parents (quite a feat in itself) and puffed his chest out with his craps knowledge (which was learned the first day of the cruise). His comments were more of the stating-the-obvious of a Monday morning quarterback.

MAMA'S BOY
[watching somebody win $25 on a field bet]
You should play the field.

JOSH
Nah, it's a lot harder than it looks.

MAMA'S BOY
[watching the roller crap out and everyone losing their bet]
You should play the C & E.

The dealer passes the dice for Josh's turn to roll

MAMA'S BOY
You'd better not crap out on your first roll!

JOSH
[craps out after second roll, and I try not to shoot daggers at the smirking MB from my eyes]
Well, you win some, you lose some.

MAMA'S BOY
I would've played the C & E.

ME
So, are you going to play craps now?

MY INNER MONOLOGUE
And use some of that oh-so-great-craps-knowledge?

MAMA'S BOY
[clutches his roll of quarters, funded by Mr. Nocheese]
Oh no, I'm going to play slots.

Josh left the craps table soon after that, and we escaped the Nocheeses. He had learned that the only thing close to the horror of Josh's mom, a serial backseat driver, was a Nocheese backseat gambler.